Tuesday, March 29, 2011
As I typed this blog, I've somewhat calmed down abit. Just called mum and dad to get permission to go Summer Program. Mum allows. But dad don't. And I knew he wouldn't let me. But guess what's his excuse was? Because he says I'm a girl!? WTF? What a lousy excuse. I understand he will be worried etc etc. But I'm a freaking 20 years-old girl! And turning 21 in 7months time!! How long are you going to forbid me to do things that adult can do? I'm not a freaking 8 years old and nor am I someone who can't think for herself!
And it's not the first time this happens. It only makes me more determined to disobey him the moment I turn 21 of age. I'm going to go travelling to wherever I want to - Taiwan, Hong Kong, Macau. Go casinos overseas, go do things blatantly without having to hide. Stayover at friend's house if I want. I'm not gona listen or obey what he says. Whatever he says, I'm just gona do the opposite way. I'll keep possession of my passport, travel as and when I like. Sign up for overseas internships, for overseas school trips, just doing things I want!
Actually I'm abit tempted to go Genting after my finals. Well, it's with friends of course. And I'm not going to let him stop me. Didn't he realise that I'm just respecting him by letting him know what I'm going to do? I can always do things first before telling him! I can always sign up for the summer program, settle all the stuff and let him know like 1 week before leaving! How can he stop me then? Why can't he understand that? Why can't he understand the fact the the more you repressed me now, the more you forbid me to do things I wanted to do, the more I'll do them behind your back, the more I'll oppose you in the future?! HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT AND WILL NEVER EVER GET IT!
Well, what's the point now? I've already taken note of all the things he doesn't allow me to do - NOC, SEP, SP, Taiwan trip with Joyce. Yes, I understand the latter is more of a waste of money since it's leisure trip and I've yet to start earning my income yet I'm spending. And what's with "I'll not forbid you to go overseas if it's to study. But never to travel when you've yet to start earning your own income." to become "You're a girl, you shouldn't travel overseas it's dangerous. And it's not compulsory so don't go!". FUCK LA~ FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK~
He'll regret forbidding me to do all the things now. I'll make sure of that!
And nayway, I decided not to go home until my finals end. That's like 1 month? Well, just to show him that I can live independently. And I also don't wish to go home and face him. Damn. Well, you can say that I'm rebellious, but who made me rebel? Right? So if you're a parent and you're reading this blog, do know that there's a time that your child would have grown up and there's nothing wrong with being a girl and so you're more vulnerable. WTF is this kind of logic. It doesn't mean that if you have 5 sons, they will be safer if they travel overseas compared to 5girls. Hello, wake up your idea please!
4:07 PM
Thursday, March 10, 2011
IHG season is officially over. Actually it's been over for like 2 weeks already. And this week is the photoshoot week whereby sports and committees have their pictures taken so as to be published in the yearly magazine.
Had my basketball and handball photoshoot on Monday and Tuesday respectively. Just had my floorball photoshoot today. Of all the photoshoot, I think floorball photoshoot is the one that dragged the longest! 1.5hour until I finally came up to my room since I left for photoshoot. And after today, I officially made up my mind not to join the floorball team next year. There are a few reasons.
Reason Number 1: I had just been elected for basketball captain. I know I had been declaring to take up captaincy for any sports in KR but since there was noone to take it up, and I think most players have high hopes on me, I decided to give it a try. Anyway, I'll just be there to lead the team. And with Carena and Sunlu and Mel Khoo still in the team, there's always people to support and help me along.
So, with this Captain position in hand, I can foresee that it'll be a very busy and perhaps a bit stressful period next year for me.
Reason Number 2: Again, related to basketball. I sort of made up my mind to pour all my heart and soul into just basketball after ihg this season. Seeing how I hardly can make it for floorball training and didn't turn up regularly, I decided that it's better that I don't waste anyone's time as well as mine. I rather put all my sweat and blood into just basketball, which I had a good feeling that we can do very well next year - even better than this year I guessed. Though I'll feel a bit bad for Weiwei, as well as the next floorball captain, either Laura or Fel. But, I'll still be supporting them in spirit.
Reason Number 3: After touching floorball for this season, I came to a conclusion that it is definitely not an easy sport to pick up. Certainly not for me who's more of hands-on-ball person rather than a stick-person. Furthermore, there are more people who are far more committed and learn faster than me. Suwano being one of them.
Reason Number 4: I didn't play much during the ihg season. I'll conclude it as a 3minutes standing-on-court-and-just-shielding-the-player-and-didn't-even-have-a-chance-to-touch-the-ball-at-all season. So imagine waking up at 9am after the TH game the day before, and warming up, sit on bench and cheer and team talk and cool down for 5times that day. Then, throughout the 10hours in MPSH, I only 'played' for a freaking 3minute game, it certainly wasn't a very pleasant experience for me. As I've mentioned, I knew and understood and even mentally prepared myself that I would not get to play much. But even when we were leading 3-0 and 4-0 and I still don't get to play?! Well, it certainly demoralised me all the way. And it reminded me of my end of Sec3 experience in basketball. Which ended up in me losing heart and giving up on playing basketball for 1 whole year. The feeling was damn depressing. :'( I don't want to ever experience that bad bad experience ever again. So I made up my mind to not join ihg floorball/
Reason Number 5: As I've mentioned, I didn't go for most of the training after school started. Well, I did turn up for almost ALL of the trainings during the holiday. But at that time, half the team wasn't even there at all! Not to mention interacting with the players. After training commences in Sem2, I had all my attention focused first on handball, then on basketball. So I'm certainly not very close to the players. Furthermore, most players know each other quite well in the first place. And I don't feel very welcoming during trainings. Like I'm a phantom player. Just standing there. Sometimes I just wished that I didn't go for the training at all. But again, because of Weiwei, I just held everything back and continue to support her all the way. Well, must support my captain neighbour ma. I knew she's having a hard time so I don't want to add on to her worries and burden and trouble.
Well, I guess that's almost everything I had. And I certainly think that Reason No. 5 is the real reason I didn't want to continue. Because floorball is a teamsport. But playing floorball in the team doesn't make me feel that I'm part of the team at all. I'm ignored, forgotten, and always in some corner. No point joining a sport that I don't feel part of the team right?
So oh wells, they've still got enough players better than me. And certainly, next year they'll definitely pull in some new and better players from somewhere. So, need not worry at all that most of the experienced players are going for exchange blah blah~
And as for handball, I'm not very sure if I want to continue. I don't mind playing. But I don't want to spend too much time on it because it's a very new sport that I've picked up. And we certainly would not be able to make it no matter how hard we train. We're just not there. Perhaps another 2years, we'll certainly have a chance. But not now.
Basketball, yes, it's the only sport that KR have a chance in. Furthermore, I just want to get a gold and then leave KR. That's my main purpose for staying another year in hall actually. Because this one year has enabled me to experience whatever hall life I've seeked for in the first place. Nothing much left for me to reminise about it.
Ok, time to mug abit more and sleep! Hope to update soon! And it certainly feels so good after pouring out all my feelings and thoughts! :)
2:05 AM
Monday, January 31, 2011
Hi all, if there's even someone reading this blog. It's been freaking long since I last updated my blog. I think the last time was when I just came into hall and felt super lonely cause I don't know alot of people here!
Anyway, decided to blog again was due to the fact that there have been so many things happening recently that made me so stressed up. Well, it's not my stuff but oh well my own matter is enough to make me so stress up le. Not to mention so many things coming all together and the fact that I can't do anything to help doesn't really help things too!
I felt useless at times. My friends are there feeling so down. And all I can do is be by their side, unable to do anything at all to help!
Ok, I shall end here. I got lesson in 4.5hours time and here I am, still not done with packing my stuff yet.. Shall die if there's quiz tomorrow... Ciao.
3:36 AM
Monday, August 16, 2010
Ciaossu! I'm quite shock that I'm still here updating my blog. Haha. Are you shock too? Anyways, as last Monday was National Day, I didn't have any lectures. Basically, this week is my first time attending my Monday lectures. The lessons are more or less the same. Just that my english enrichment module starts from this week onwards. And I'm having my first lecture for SSA222 - Changing Landscape of Singapore today.
Managed to crawl out of my bed today, despite sleeping late last night as was playing soccer with the rest of the hall mates. But actually I didn't really sleep that well. Woke up at 5plus thinking that it was 7 already. Woke up at 6 again. So in the end I gave up nua-ing in bed and made myself crawled out of bed at 7.05. Ate breakfast in hall again. Sunlu says that one will get sick of hall food real soon. Wonder if that's true as I'm still really rather enjoying them. LOL~
The lecturer for ST2137, though he was the 'cousin' for Zhang Lou Xin (CZ1102; and I presumed their relationship due to same surname, same hair color - white, and same pronounciation), I was able to better understand and grasped the lecture since the module was better and I know that I've got to depend on myself now that I no longer have friends taking core modules with me. But was glad to be sitting beside Muimui (Meimei), whom I got to know through SOW camp and her friend Yongming. Hopefully I can score well for this module. But well, it's still too early to say anything. This is merely just the introduction or beginning of the module. Might not be this easy as it goes along the way. And I'm still pondering whether to get the text or not. The lecturer says to get since I might need it when I go out to work. But the thing is, I don't even know if my jobscope requires this software! And it seems that seniors didn't get the text either since in used textbooks forum, there doesn't seemed to have people selling the text and if they did buy, then they MIGHT be really keeping it for future uses.
After which, I went for ES tutorial. Realised that ALOT, actually, MORE THAN HALF of the class people are from China!!! I can understand la. But seems that S5 classes have more Singaporeans. Sian. Should have taken S5 instead of S4. Chose to sit beside 2 people who look like Singaporeans, which later proves to be right. Another China guy sat beside me. And he SMELLS! Got the smell of Bangala worker! Like never bathe for 3-4 days or has just came back from construction work! So I lean my body over to the right now and then and cover my nose occasionally. But didn't make it too obvious. Don't really want to make him feel bad either. Body odor might be inherited so might not be his fault. But the thing is, he also doesn't really looked well groomed. Moustache not completely shaved! Maybe he finds it more cool this way but it only confirms one more thing - he really might be a construction worker - looked so haggard!!
ES tutorial started off rather boring. We are a class of 15 people only. But the tutor, Patricia Tow(and she asks us to call her PAT), seems rather friendly and nice. And to cater to the China people, she speaks rather slowly so that they can catch what she is saying. More than half the class are from Applied Math, two, including me from Statistics, two from life sciences, one from computer engineering and 1 from technological physics(the China guy who smells).
Had a diagnostic test and I realised that the China guy beside me practically don't know how to answer any question! And subconsciously, I got this tendency to cover my answer so that he'll not peeked. I don't know why. Perhaps I just find him not to my liking. Because I didn't really place my focus on the Singaporean guy sitting beside me.
Anyway, the lecture ends with us self-introducing ourselves and choosing the topics that we wanted to do our presentation on. I talked about slangs and accent as one of the China girl mentioned previously that she can't really catch our accent and that we, Singaporeans, have this tendency to cut short our sentences. Which I do agree on so I brought that up by stating that we call our teachers "-cher" instead of "teacher". And Pat also says that students will come up to her and say "toilet" without saying out the full sentence. So what does it mean? "I want to go toilet? You are called toilet? You want to go to the toilet with me?" etc. So without a full sentence structure, it's rather hard to understand what we are talking about. Basically, the tutorial ended off with me anticipating this to be a rather fulfilling module, not only by better understanding my english, but also to dare to speak up and interact, it being a small class. Compared to the usual Math/Stats tutorial classes, I like this kind of seminar classes - builds up confidence and is more interactive.
After this, I decided to go back to my hall as I needed to get my business module textbook from a seller. And coincidentally, and I really mean that it is a COINCIDENCE, that the guy is Marcus - Joan's boyfriend! And he asked me to collect the book from Joan and Joan messaged me, not knowing that who I am!! So damn funny our conversation. And I asked to meet her at Arts, and she said that she'll be at the by 2 for a lecture and I asked what's her lecture 'cause might be the same as us. And OMGGGGG we took the same module! Hahahah~ Really such a coincidence! Damn funny lor the two of us. So I made my way back to hall now that I need not take the textbook.
As it just finished raining, the floor was wet. I took the shortcut back to hall again and stepped on mud, before I stepped onto a drain. Nearly slipped but no. Can feel the "I am about to fall" feeling but luckily I walked steady enough and fast enough. The flight of stairs to my hall block was also wet and so I steadied myself again so as not to fall down the stairs. And guessed what? I fell down at the flight of stairs! My butt literally slided down the flight of stairs and I only managed to stable myself when I reached out to hold onto the gate. I stood there for like 20-30 seconds, moaning in silence as it REALLY HURTS! The pain was excruciating! When I finally calmed myself down, I picked my stuff up. And shit! I think I dirtied my bag! MY CRUMPLER BAG! But since it's grey, I can't really see any dirt. But still, it landing on the floor hurts. And also, MY LAPTOP INSIDE! Damn. Curse. Shit.
Reached back to my room and check my injuries. A bruise can be seen appearing on my butt, arms scratched but should be okay. Inner side of my feet scratched too but should also be okay.
And just now the buyer for my CZ textbook text to say that she don't want the text since the module changed to using MATLAB! Curses!! Damn that lecturer! This means that I'll NEVER get to sell my textbook for this module! And for Christ's sake, I bought it at a price of $48! DAMN~ It's already the last time this lecture going to be on before it's stripped off the course but still wants to change the whole syllabus! ARGGHH~ Forget it --
And the textbook for ST1131 has changed too! Now I can't get my hands off 2 textbooks! I really feel like shouting the f word!! ROARRR~~ Ok... Calm down... Phew......... Breathe deeply... This means that I just lost near 100 bucks because of the textbooks that I can't get rid of! SHIT!
Luckily this sem, other than ST2132 textbook, I got all my other text off second hand. BSP1004 @$18, which I think might be more 'cause very VERY little highlightings and markings. But not wrapped. So means I got to manually wrapped it again. ST3131 at a higher price - 30SGD but still okay. 'Cause it's sold at near 50SGD outside. SSA2202 at 12SGD from Denise. So basically I spent ard 110SGD this semester with 4 textbooks bought, which is normally the price I use to buy 3 textbooks last semester. Basically, I only managed to sell away 2 of my textbooks - ST2131 and MA1101R. Got 50SGD from the sale of these 2 books so basically more or less covered the costs of 3of my textbook. I doubt I'll get ST2137 text already. Just saw that it costs 51SGD! And since I can't get rid of 2 of my text, I don't think I am going to get this text. Just borrow it from library if needed.
Anyway, I feel like I'm being cursed. Don't forget it's the 7th month now! I seriously think I'm being cursed! Otherwise why will I be soooo damnnnn suay? Right? And I also just realised that I have yet to print a lecture note for ST3131 tomorrow! Nor have I read through the notes from the previous lecture! Shucks! So many stuff to do, so many things going on but no time to do them! And I still got IBG training tonight. Volleyball, handball, netball.. Tomorrow basketball! Where can I find time to study! And Wednesday I still want to go swimming! But it's my only off day! So I guessed I'll try to do my work first then see if I can finish up what I need to do for the week before I go swimming ba.
Meeting Clar for dinner later then go Central Library print notes. Feel so dumb to travel there just to print one lecture notes -.-
Ok, basically I've expressed ALL my feelings for today. Such a long day. But compared to last year, it seems that besides me getting used to the lecture styles in college, I also seems to have more friends. As in I know who they are etc and that they know me too. Might not be very familiar but we talked! :)
And I just realised that my back starts aching. Might be hurt due to the impact of the fall. Felt sore! And as for my leg, I think I hurt the nerves as when I walked, it hurts! I seriously think I'm cursed! And also, the strange umbrella that have appeared in my room, it doesn't seems to belong to anybody! Ok, I got to ask Sunlu I think. Or maybe ShinFei. Might be theirs. But will be weird for them to leave umbrella here! Strange appearance of an umbrella during the 7th month.
Ok really gotta go. Maybe just revised through some of my notes before Clar gets back. Hope to update soon!
6:05 PM
Saturday, August 14, 2010
This past week passed by real slowly. Alot of things happen here and there. Met alot of new people, did alot of things, still getting used to the hall life which I think it'll get some time for me to get used to. People there seems nice. But I just feel weird. And I think I lacked confidence in myself.
Ok enough about hall life, I don't know why, but whenever I speak of hall I'll just have this unpleasant feeling that I don't belong there. And that I feel so out of place with the people there. Clar seems to be getting used to it. Well, I guessed her personality suits hall life. She's very interactive and opens up easily. On the other hand, I keeps to myself, I'm not a party animal, I don't have alot of friends I know there - only Clar, Sunlu and Carena - I don't mixed well with people there...
Oh and one more thing, was so happy yesterday when I finished washing my clothes and they didn't get stained! I was so scared that color might come off some of the clothes! But luckily no! :)
Anyway, I need to start planning and doing up my timetable and record stuff in my planner to prepare myself. By timetable I don't mean that of the lessons but that of the studying during my no-school day - Wednesday and also those days that I'll end early - Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Need to plan out my resting time, studying time and also jogging time. Time to train up my stamina for IBG and also for Stand Chart marathon at the end of this year. Have no wish to be the one dragging Joyce down. Her stamina has always been maintained even after JC. Maybe might have dropped a bit, but she's still able to jog rather fast.
Tuition tomorrow, need to get one-two more textbooks for my modules. This semester, I need to get 4-5 textbooks! Not sure if I need to get that for ST2137, but the Prof says it's recommended and I might still be needing it after I go working. Shall see how.
As for BSP1004, I planned to get second hand and also both text, since it's an open book exam, having more text might be more useful. Moreover, one book (not by the prof) is more detailed and the other (recommended since it's by the prof) is more likely to be used.
Ok, sell off my CZ text then see how again! Might be going back hall tomorrow.
4:08 PM
Just had hall bash 2 days ago. VERY TIRING! And I've confirmed one thing - I really REALLY don't like clubbing.. Sorry, not my style :p
Anyway, was so tired yesterday but managed to wake up and go for my 8am lecture. Managed to sell away my CZ text. Left with my MA2108 text. Hopefully I can get it off my hands this semester :)
Actually I've got tons of things to say. But suddenly,I just forgot everything! Oh, meeting up with Joyce later. Finally!! Haha..
And I'm feeling abit lost. I don't know if I really like hall life. I find some of the people friendly, but I'm not sure if that's true. And I'm not a very sociable person. I don't really open up, I love keeping to myself. And I don't like to act friendly - it makes me look so fake.
I guessed I'm not really suited for places that focus on culture alot? KR seems like such a place. But from secondary school to JC, I've only experienced neighbourhood school life and environment. YT is not really a culture type of school, nor is AJ.
Anyway, the only thing I'm looking forward to during hall is that I've got a nice room that I can rest in and I can go jogging at night or swimming during the days I ended my lessons early :)) That's why I love hall life.
IBG is coming up. Hopefully I can get back some of my form by then. Don't really want to drag the team down. Feel damn cui. Was so glad that Khuibing was also in NUS. Feel that Ive distanced myself from people I know of. Suddenly feel so lonely that I felt like crying. Haiz. But tears just wouldn't come out. And starting to hate myself for being born this way.
ARGHHH~~ Started emo-ing. Okay, c'mon OW-YANG ZHI JUN! You're NEVER a pessimistic person! Get your bucks up!!! ROARRR~~
Don't really have alot of people I can open up to here. Chen is not in S'pore. Though we still keep in touch via MSN, due to time difference, sometimes we'll just missed each other or both of us will just be APPEARING OFFLINE! LOLS. Tons of things to say to her at times. But without sms, things are so inconvenient. Whenever I see her online, all the things I wanted to complain and say to her suddenly go missing. Perhaps she just brightened me up just by talking to her :)
As for Joyce, she's more like a big sister to me who always look after me. So I felt a little bad if I keep bothering her. But just hanging out with her make me forget about all my worries too.
I guessed I'll be fine. YUP! 'Cause I'm the optimistic-cum-always-look-on-the-bright-side girl - Zhi Jun~ :D
3:55 PM
